Taylor came in to tell me good night, he seen my page was
blank and asked, do you have writers block.
I told him no it was just the opposite; my mind is racing and I have too
much to write about. We talked for a
bit. Taylor was telling me about some of
his plans. We decided that life is quite
often hard and confusing. I told him as
long as we follow the spirit we will be okay.
We talked about how sometimes following the spirit is easier said than
done. I told him he would be okay just
say your prayers. He will be okay he is
a good young man.
As for me I feel I am not doing that well. How can I give my boys advice when I am so lost? I try to follow the spirit; it’s just
sometimes I am not sure if I really am doing the right things.
I moved my family down to the valley thinking I could start
a heating business so the boys could work with me and we could spend more time
together. The business did not work out
I ended up losing most of the things we had.
I figured at the time that it was not so bad it was just temporal things
they can be replaced. The thing was I
was not doing a very good job supporting my family.
I ended up taking a job driving a truck over the road. I was sure this is what Heavenly Father had
in mind for me. I just really don’t know
any more I ended up being away from my family for months at a time. I worked really hard thinking it was just
temporary. It was not all bad I did
learn a lot, I was able to attend church in a lot of different places and I met
a lot of great people. I was starting to
get caught up financially. The best thing
was I was able to see a lot of this beautiful country our Heavenly Father gave
to us.
After seven months of only being home a few days I thought I
had an impression to change things up again.
I quite that job and started working with my brother Shad and my boy
Taylor moving drilling rig equipment.
Working with Shad and Taylor has been great. We have a couple old trucks and some old
equipment. I can see some real potential
with the business taking off. Shad has
put a lot of time and effort into it.
But as my luck would turn out the rig stacked out. It took all are money to license the trucks
and trailer. I am still not able to get
home to see my other boys and Pretty Girl.
I guess I am of little faith. I have been really questioning myself the
last few days. Am I really following the
spirit or is it my own ideas? I am
wondering would Heavenly Father want me away from my family. I would think
Heavenly Father would want me to be close to my family. I just am not really sure right now. I thought I had life figured out at one time
but now I fill I am really lost.
Several years ago I made a deal with Heavenly Father; I
asked him if he would help me to hear and understand the small still voice of
the spirit, I would do whatever he asked of me.
I have tried hard to do what he has asked but I am questioning if it was
the spirit or just my imagination telling me what to do. I am so confused and lost right now, I know
this is what satin wants but I can’t find my way.
I was feeling much the same way with my job the last few months. I still stress about it, but I learned that even if we choose the wrong thing, we need to just put all trust and faith into our Heavenly Father. I also realized that sometimes I am discouraged to easily and if I would have stuck to what I felt, I would have been in a better situation now. However, I tend to allow Satan to discourage me.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things that I have always admired about all my brothers is you all have the courage to do and try different things, because sometimes I also allow fear to keep me from doing things I probably should have.
If at one time, you felt it was right, remember that feeling and just start putting trust in Him who loves you. I found that when the anxiety and stress come rolling in, take a deep breath and say a little prayer and then make sure you read your scriptures that night. One of the things I always do to help is go to the topical guide, look up "trust in God" and start going down the scriptures. Also I read on faith a lot.
I'm still unsure if I made the right choice a lot of the time, but I know that if I keep praying and reading the scriptures and try really really really really hard to listen, Heavenly Father will lead me where I need to be. Trust is a big word that is harder than we realize once we need to rely on it. Have faith. I think things will work out great for both you and Shad and your families.....
Love you!!!!... Angie